Publisher, Harper Audio (October 2005)

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Dear Listener,

Sadly, this audiobook presents the next-to-last chronicle of the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, and it is next-to-first in its supply of misery, despair, and unpleasantness. Probably the next-to-last things you would like to hear about are a harpoon gun, two mysterious initials, a notorious villain, and an unsavory curry.

I also shouldn't mention the features of the interactive CD, which include:

*Perplexing word games
* Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
Art from The Brett Helquist gallery

Next-to-last things are the first things to be avoided, and so allow me to recommend that you put this next-to-last audiobook down first, and find something else to listen to next to last, such as the next-to-last audiobook in another chronicle, or a chronicle containing other next-to-last things, so that this next-to-last audiobook does not become the last audiobook you will hear. With all due respect,

LEMONY SNICKET

About the Author: Lemony Snicket has been chronicling the lives of the Baudelaire children with only occasional breaks for food, rest, and court-appointed swordfights. His hobbies include nervous apprehension, increasing dread, and wondering if his enemies were right after all.

Lemony Snicket was born before you were, and is likely to die before you as well. His family has roots in a part of the country which is now underwater, and his childhood was spent in the relative splendor of the Snicket Villa which has since become a factory, a fortress and a pharmacy and is now, alas, someone else's villa.

To the untrained eye, Mr. Snicket's hometown would not appear to be filled with secrets. Untrained eyes have been wrong before. The aftermath of the scandal was swift, brutal and inaccurately reported in the periodicals of the day. It is true, however, that Mr. Snicket was stripped of several awards by the reigning authorities, including Honorable Mention, the Grey Ribbon and First Runner Up. The High Council reached a convenient if questionable verdict and Mr. Snicket found himself in exile.

Though his formal training was chiefly in rhetorical analysis, he has spent the last several eras researching the travails of the Baudelaire orphans. This project, being published serially by HarperCollins, takes him to the scenes of numerous crimes, often during the off-season. Eternally pursued and insatiably inquisitive, a hermit and a nomad, Mr. Snicket wishes you nothing but the best.

About the Performer: Tim Curry has portrayed many memorable characters, most notably the role of the scientist in the Broadway and film versions of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Arthur in the Broadway production SPAMalot.